chaddar, day 16, journal, lost and found, phulkari, writing101
A big festivals just around the corner. So it was that time again for a quick clutter clearing & maybe some cleaning too. The attic was about to burst at its seams and I probably needed to rearrange the furniture, change the light bulbs in the hallway, fix the staircase railing, start living my life the way I want to, etc. So I decided the attic was the best place to start.
The ladder was set up & I gingerly approached each step as I’ve had some interesting slips in the past. The attic had taken on some deep ennui with boxes & an old computer and some random pieces of furniture. Post lunch sluggishness was creeping into me but I just had to find this old single bed cover that had been gifted to me by my mother in law. It was a textile legacy no doubt – a Phulkari Chaddar embroidered brazenly in gold, orange & red silk threads. Definitely going to be the showstopper in the living room I thought.
After rummaging through a couple of boxes, I spotted the wooden, slightly broken chest. Aha that’s where it was! I was thankful that it had taken me less than an hour to locate it. Inside the chest amongst random letters, cards, some pebbles in a jar, a journal, lay the beautiful Chaddar slightly dishevelled but nothing a good dry in the sun couldn’t fix. Its part of the family legacy now as its probably about a 100 years old now.
I had some time so I opened up the old journal as well. I felt a tug in my heart as I hadn’t read or written in that journal since May 2009! 5 years was a long time so I mustered up the courage to read the journal.
January 2009 was the first entry and it was my documentation of my pregnancy! I could feel the elation in my writing surge carelessly through me. Each month had something funny or sweet to share. I remember all of it vividly. It was all okay till I reached my last entry dated 8th May.
I wept as the devastating memory of the lost little one came crashing through. We lost her on 5th May due to a massive fibroid that had developed in my uterus alongside the foetus and it had pushed her out. Back then I had felt terribly sad that she had to go for no fault of hers. Shucks…why did I have to find the journal today but maybe it was necessary. I had to find it so that things could come a full circle. Today I feel like I need to honour her memory by not having any more weeping sessions. I feel blessed for the 5 beautiful months for they were undoubtedly beautiful and I’m blessed that today we have a 2 year old daughter who occupies my every waking thought.
I held the journal close to my heart for a while & then wrapped the chaddar around it and brought both back downstairs to the living room with me. They both had pride of place and it felt complete.